...a girl who will blog without purpose.

So I'm blogging on my way home from an intense revision session with the girls purely because this bus journey is long and pretty lonely. I haven't blogged for a while because I've been busy with leaving school and revision but as my school years are coming to an end, I guess I have more spare time on my hands. My life on a general level has taken a good turn, I have a perfect girlfriend, my exams are going fairly well and my position in Sheffield University is fairly stable. Yet as I nulls up my university items (clearly situated in a box labelled in my room) I guess I get more terrified thinking about all the things I'm leaving behind. My friends for one. The friends that, having known for over 15 years will soon be too far to visit for a chat or a coffee. My family. Who, despite our ups and downs have always stuck by me and pushed me to be the best I can. My best friend. The distance is forcing us to make decisions that no-one should have to . And my whole way of life. I've spent my whole life in the secure little bubble of West Bromwich and now I'm having to be independent. I want to think its something I will easily achieve but I'm a realist. I already worry about my future at university and I'm not even there yet. Maybe it will be as I've always imagined. Maybe not. All I know is that what I'm leaving behind, will only be left physically and I'll always just be a little girl from the midlands with ambitions and drive. I love you all, and you will never be forgotten but will truly missed.

...a girl taking general studies.

I've been taking a-level general studies for two years now and I can honestly say that my general knowledge has not increased in the slightest. Sure, I now know that Ireland use the euro and my whereabouts of Europe are slightly increased but correct me if I'm wrong, isn't that geography? The only thing I've learnt in my two years is that I will never take a subject with all boys in again, never do a fan wall on onlyconnect and my teacher is a little bit sexist. I guess you call that a success?

...a girl who is a drain on the health system.

I can officially say I spend half my life in a waiting room. At 7:25 on a Thursday morning, I am doing just that, sitting in a waiting room. I acknowledge that everyone spends a significant time here but I feel it's time I just up sticks and move in. They are going to want to take a sample of my eyeball soon or something. I don't like to really think that I have a serious medical condition, I just prefer to think that I'm pretty cool because I live on daily injections that I give myself - I'm practically a trained doctor. Anyway, I love to just sit in the waiting room and watch people come and go. There's always that guy who always tries to talk to everyone. The person who is shamefully slagging off the NHS. And then people like me, reserved to a newspaper or blog who evidently have better things to do. I think doctors are amazing, but I also think they need to give me a break.

...a girl with a new found joy.

How amazing are crisps? Today I discovered my love for them on a whole new level. Now, I'm not too sure whether I've finally just lost the plot or what, but I have discovered my love for crisps based on a singular packet of sensations. There is no such thing as a bad flavour of crisps. Sure, we all have preferences, but is there a bag of crisps that literally make you sick? No! It doesn't exist. Like, yano, roast beef monster munch, no-one enjoys them per say, but they are edible. This is my downfall. I am anyone's for a bag of kettle chips, tyrells or sensations. I have found the love of my life. Crisps, you never let me down.

...a girl with no patience.

I have no patience for indecisive people. There's always one who feels the need to make you wait ten minutes for them to make a decision about whether they want a cup of tea or not. Or worse, they refuse one, then make a scene five minutes later that they will 'just make their own then'. Bitch please! You saw me put on the kettle. You watched me place those mugs on the counter. Speak up. I have no patience for this. Hell, what's worse is when you're requested to make tea and suddenly its as if you have a fucking duty to make it to everyone's taste and serve the bitches. I have no issue making a drink for my mother, but when your sisters boyfriends cousin who's far too familiar gets involved, please. You ask if your mum would like a cup of tea and suddenly it's an open invite, before you know it you're making tea for the fucking street. And this isn't no one kettle shit. You always only manage to fill your cup half way, resulting in a disappointing concoction of water and milk. So if you want tea, fucking turn on the kettle and make that bitch yourself.

...a girl with no cash.

Why is everything so expensive nowadays? I am literally outraged at the fact my corner shop just tried to charge me 45p for a freddo. I appreciate that we are a struggling economy, but I'm a struggling student, give a girl a chance. The worrying thing is this is only the beginning of it. When I go to university I can guarantee that me and smart price will be close acquaintances. I think you reach eighteen and there's a sudden responsibility for you to pay for everything. So, when I begin to work the streets for extra cash, please hire me? That's all.

...a girl who wants to rant.

It interests me how people behave. That sounds unusual, but I'm unusual. Just how and why people behave how they do? I appreciate that in some occasions behaviour is not necessarily meaningful or even that sometimes people do things unconciously. However, what I can never appreciate it those who act without purpose. It's questionable to why this idea stems from an episode of RSPCA rescue, but I do speak with purpose. I can never find reason behind hurting people. How people get pleasure out of violence and cruelty. Now, I dont think that I am perfect, far from it to be precise. I've hurt people. I've probably hurt people more than I know, but never conciously. I try to avoid conflict. I don't bully. Or criticise. I just like to love. I like to dream. I like to smile. And I like to think that that's what everyone would want. So when you consider fighting or saying something you know will hurt, why not consider how you would feel about it? I'm not ranting at anyone in particular (minus the person that set a cat on fire) I just think it would be nice if everyone didn't feel the need to hurt others.

No-one should have the power to hurt another.

...a girl with two blogs.

I guess I want to start by moving my blog entries from thier previous home to their new one. I realise that there is only two entries. However, I have no patience for a lack of organisation so managing two blogs is not a possibilty.

Number One
I've always been fascinated by the process of 'blogging' your life to the world and the reactions you get from it. In a society constantly at battle for privacy, it amazes me that so many take the time to document their daily lives for everyone's viewing. With this in mind, I thought I might as well give it a go. Now I know that there's a high possibility that no-one will not ever read this, nor will I take the time to continue with this blog. Nevertheless, if anyone does happen to stumble by this blog in an act of confusion, thank-you and I hope you find the life of an atypical teenager from West Bromwich somewhat of an interest to you.
As it's the first blog I feel that I should take some time to express the typical 'about me' features of these things. I'm Em. I'm sort of a simpleton. I'm taking my A-levels at a mediocre comprehensive with a typical daily routine of doing nothing more than that. I take interest in things you'd never associate with teenage girls -Sherlock Holmes, Literature and hypnosis are all things that shape my being. I wouldn't ever say my life is exciting nor my character but if there's one thing I can do, It's spend hours writing about nothing and there's certain themes that you'll find reoccur in everything I talk about. I may as well introduce you to the most influential person in my life. My girlfriend. Now if anyone has just completely shifted their opinion on me for that, that's fine, it's something that, although we'd love to think isn’t true, that people like myself are used to. It’s a harsh reality that as much as we like to think our society has changed, it has not and it probably never will. What people seem to ignore is that love cannot be defined; isn’t love just what you make of it? And I happen to be in love with the most beautiful, inspiring girl in the world. The kind of person that anyone would envy. It just so happens, she's my soul mate.
Before everything goes down that cheesy declaration route, I'll offer some respite from my adoration of her. I'd like to tell you that something extremely exciting happened within my day, yet it was a given. Now as I sit, re-reading Derren Brown's 'Trick Of The Mind', wondering why I ever generated the idea that blogging would be worthy of my time, I see why my life lacks that excitement of most. Maybe I am unusual, or not what people would expect of a teenage 'brummy', but the people that love me for who I am, are the only ones that I could ever need.
I hope everyone knows that being you is important. Don't be afraid to be different.
That’s all

Number Two

Now if you're wondering why my image is Pablo Picasso's Guernica, I'm not really sure. Sure, I can appreciate the symbolic beauty of it from an artistic point of view, but I don't think that's why I'm so interested by it. There's something there that links to my character, whether it’s the destruction of instability of the image I don't know, but the general hectic nature of it could be defined as no less than an accurate representation of my life at current.
I find that the more I try to be the person everyone wants me to be, the less I am the person I am. I've never been the smartest or the prettiest of people and I've never been the popular girl. I can't say I don't know why. I do. It links in with that fact that I see no reason in trying to be popular. I kind of like my own solitude or maybe I never really found a person who truly understands my character, but nevertheless, I still find myself pretending to be someone else to keep the friends I already have. I have some form of complex, where fifty people could like me and it would have no effect on me, but if one person hated me, I’d have to know why. Most people I have 'dated' would tell you that I’m insecure or have commitment issues, but it's not that I’m scared of commitment, I get scared of people getting to know the real person I am, the person who writes these blogs as the source of freedom to be themself. So, I push people away, which as it stands is the whole point of my blog today.
As those close to me will know, I'm going through a tough time in a range of aspects in my life. You never truly understand the necessity of sleep until you haven't had any for weeks. My workload is beyond overwhelming, which in itself acts as a catalyst for my insomnia. I feel selfish for complaining about my life on the basis of stress, I know it could be worse, I know that I'm lucky for everything I do have but I seem to just lack purpose.
My one light in this is that I do have one person that understands. It's hard to explain, but like, she understands that I need someone, even though I don't know what it is that is need. That makes no sense, but I don't think anything in my life does. My girlfriend never pushes for a reason why I’m upset; she just accepts that I am, that i just need to cry and she's there for me. She may be the only person who knows the real me, the person who isn’t the joker and the one who always acts to protect others, and to tell you the truth, this scares me. In my whole life she's the only thing I’ve taken a risk on and the only thing I have ever had some much faith in. It's a shame that I have to blog how I feel because I’m too afraid to tell her directly, but maybe if she reads this, she'll understand what she means to me.
My blogs seem to get more depressive daily, which is why, this next paragraph will take a more optimistic tone. Although school is challenging, I'm overwhelmed with motivation for tomorrow. I have three hours of Drama And Theatre Studies with some of the nicest people I know and the opportunity to get creative. My school, In Wednesbury, is somewhat of a new thing in my life. I moved from my previous school for sixth form and it happened to be the best choice of my life. Not only do I have the greatest group of friends, I met my girlfriend and nothing could ever change my life so much as she has. Anyway, Thursday, is the day that we all venture to Stratford-Upon-Avon for a production of Shakespeare's 'Measure For Measure'. It might sound strange that a teenager of my position is so interested in Literature, but it's like a guilty pleasure and upon reflection of this 'optimistic' paragraph I have realised that my life is quite pitiful if the highlight of my week is to be a Shakespeare production.
So, as the day draws to a close, I don't really have a moral of the day. Just, I hope things get better for everyone and, well, I am a whizz at English grammar quizzes!
Thanks